Audiophile's Blog

It is so very strange that people write stuff

Writing is so strange. I wonder why I do it. Why does he write too?

I'm just so curious. Here's the source of the following.

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2003-07-12 - 12:18 a.m.

Today was the last day at the Sports Camp at the University of Maryland, where I worked as a counselor this year... very hard. I told everyone I didn't know if I was going to be able to come back next year, but the more savvy veterans recognized that sorry old line as the same one I've used for many years in a row. I used it before my junior year of high school because I figured I would have to do my psychology uber-dorky internship; I ended up doing both. I used it before my senior year because I figured I had to earn money; my parents ended up saying it was fine to do what I loved and that money wasn't that much of an issue (I also got a scholarship, which helped). Then I used it last summer because I figured I'd be going to college and would be too old to be a C.I.T. (their counselor positions are for post-grads who need them for credit). But then they gave me this job. So... I don't know, obviously if I live at Haverford next summer I can't do this again. Or, if I do some sort of physiology internship or who knows what... but we will see, it's too early to tell. It will be so hard not to go back though. This was our eighth year (half of my brother's life!) and I just adore some of those people.

We've been walking this kid Jimmy to and from camp everyday. Matt and I take the bus every morning (hooray for public transportation... we love the environment) and we discovered that Jimmy's mother's office is right outside of the bus stop, so we offered to walk him both ways everyday because we like him... and besides, it's fun. Actually, we had some problems with him. He's the one who tried to convert me to Christianity and I absolutely can't stand the superiority complex people (most often Christians) take on because of their religion. My motto with religion is: if you're religion doesn't respect being a downright good person (as in, they have other qualifications like: "must believe in Jesus") then screw whatever you have to offer. Anyway, he gave us a card today with two $20 gift certificates to Blockbuster! It was so sweet. I'm really going to miss that kid.

Slight detour while I schimpf (err... complain in German/Yiddish, not sure which language... maybe both) about this briefly. It was sweet for him (and his mother, I'm sure) to get us something for walking him, but I wished we lived in a world where it wasn't expected. It was my pleasure to make her life easier and to make Jimmy happier. He was good company. Why then must we undermine the strength of this action by acting like I did it for some reward? (Am I the only one who sees this as undermining?) Matt and I were more than happy to walk him... and had we gotten nothing (or just a card) we wouldn't have thought anything of it. It saddens me, though, that others would feel entitled to something. We (humans) shouldn't do things for the sake of notoriety or rewards. All donations to charity should be anonymous, so that no one but yourself (and even then, it's not ideal) can revel in your good actions. (One Friends episode I will never forget, which I'm positive I've told you about before, is where Phoebe obsesses over the fact that you can't give to charity without feeling good about it. She finally gives to PBS, who she hates, because it's a good action that gives her no satisfaction.)

There's this eight-year-old at camp named Emily who has gotten increasingly closer to me over this past week. I really like her... I'm too tired to give a good description of her, but she's smart at math and the conversations I had with her were great. Her voice and way of talking make her sound like an adult (a lot of kids talk like... well, kids, she doesn't seem to as much). But she's still a child of course, running around and smiling constantly. I see young Asian people, particularly those that let me know very quickly how good she was at math in her class, and worry about them driving themselves crazy trying to get straight A's (as was my experience with many of them around me in school). But I realized there was nothing I could say to her to dissuade her of what she'd do years down the road... a very frustrating thing. Very much like Siddhartha's situation, but I don't want to digress too much.

She was also special because she was the only camper who would regularly sit on my lap or would just appreciate talking to me (many of the children either want to play or be wild and run around or pinch me or whatever)... which was helpful given how tired I felt all the time around all these kids. Also, she was the only one who ever wanted to hold my hand when we walked somewhere. God, it's so cute when their tiny hands clasp yours. Almost indescribable.

A few days ago she came up to me and asked if I would still be here in two years. I said, truthfully, that I didn't know, but that I loved coming back to this camp more than anything else. She said she hoped I would be back here because then she would be old enough to be in the 10-11 group and with me. It was very touching.

What broke my heart (in a good way) was this, which took place today with her:

Emily: "Jossi, can I have your address?"

Me: "Why would you want my address?"

Emily: "So I can send you a letter on Valentine's Day."

It's times like these when I wonder how I can ever frown, how I could ever hate anything, how anything could ever be wrong in the world. She mentioned wanting to do this twice later. I finally just gave her my phone number... I have no idea if she'll call. She's a child though, I figure she'll forget about me by Valentine's Day. But... it's still just amazing to hear this.

How could I possibly have this big of an impact on these children? It doesn't seem possible.

That's my week, basically. Walking around with heavy legs because these kids sap my energy so completely half the time, and floating and not having my feet touch the ground because of the things they say the other half of the time.

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Neat.

-Kevin

Posted by Audiophile at March 29, 2004 11:43 PM