April 29, 2004

anything is your understanding

So... I could tell you something. I could let you know all about it. I could make you want to know and understand. I could capture your attention and hold it with a few breathtaking words. I could lead you on to wonder in amazement or oogle with curiosity. I could rope you in and your emotions may follow. I could say something that nobody knows or that everyone wants to hear...or maybe that just you want to hear...

I could keep it to myself, in which case, you could take all of this to mean anything. This could mean anything. But tell me, what is it?


Posted by Audiophile at 11:33 PM | Comments (0)

April 27, 2004

April 26, 2004

More yellow!?

I was in the library at school before my English night class today when I found this poem. I had wandered over to the poetry area as I so often do (on the rare occasion I'm in a library) when I found a book of Robert Service's works. I flipped through it and the word yellow flashed at me...hehe...


One pearly day of early May
I strolled upon the sand,
And saw, say half-a-mile away
A man with gun in hand;
A dog was cowering to his will,
As slow he sought to creep
Upon a dozen ducks so still
They seemed to be asleep,

When like a streak the dog dashed out,
The ducks flashed up in flight;
The fellow gave a savage shout
And cursed with all his might.
Then I stood somewhat amazed
And gazed with eyes agog,
With bitter rage his gun he raised
And blazed and shot the dog.

You know how dogs can yelp with pain;
Its blood soaked in the sand,
And yet it crawled to him again
And tried to lick his hand.
"Forgive me, Lord, for what I've done,"
It seemed as if it said,
But once again he raised his gun:
This time he shot it - dead.

What could I do? What could I say?
'Twas such a lonely place.
Tongue-tied I saw him stride away,
I never saw his face.
I should have bawled the bastard out:
A yellow dog he slew;
But worse, he proved beyond a doubt
That - I was yellow too.

-Robert Service (1874-1958)

This certainly isn't what I think of when I think of yellow. It's interesting, though.


Posted by Audiophile at 08:09 PM | Comments (0)


I figure most of my frustration comes from the clash of who I am and my beliefs with society.


Posted by Audiophile at 10:56 AM | Comments (0)

April 24, 2004

The color grows on me day by day

22 Apr '04 07:48:16 PM

Sitting here in the coffeeshop, I've noticed that the woman sitting next to me is looking too openly at the other people around her. But then again, I've also noticed that I probably had to do a bit of looking to determine that.

source: http://www.ellipsis.cx/~kortbein/blog/


Posted by Audiophile at 05:10 PM | Comments (0)

April 22, 2004

My Yellow 2



Posted by Audiophile at 10:45 PM | Comments (1)

I thought to myself...why isn't anything normal...

...and I realized that it was all normal. Welcome to everything. This is text.

I must be keeping myself occupied.

The gap between the end of each of my days seems to be geting longer.


Tomorrow I'm going to Reno for a Jazz band competition thingy...

Yesterday I joined a metal Christian band. I'll be playing bass.

My sister burned me a neat CD today.

It is Thursday, not Friday.

I think it is Friday.

Many people live in the dark.

There are times when I feel stupid.

Many people can't figure out metaphors.

Many people don't like puzzles.

...and lastly:
If any of it didn't matter, I never would have typed it up.


Posted by Audiophile at 10:07 PM | Comments (0)

April 19, 2004

my yellow

I'm running
further away
yet unknowingly closer
but I don't understand it
I resist
and nothing happens
in a very subtle manner

I look around
and I hide
I think that the month is after me
which it is, to my knowledge,
but I'm insane.
but if I've always been insane
then my sanity is insanity
and I rather question my stability
as my emotions shift
in rediculous patterns
not that smooth yellow


Posted by Audiophile at 10:55 AM | Comments (0)

April 11, 2004

A moment left incomplete

I say a lot of things
like blankets
and I usually don't think about it much
but the blankets hold the heat in
and it does get hot
but the diversion was easy

dry words
dead words
like fallen trees


Posted by Audiophile at 07:48 PM | Comments (0)

April 09, 2004

It's like a freight train.

Look at it. It can plow right through a car and keep going.


Posted by Audiophile at 01:50 PM | Comments (0)

I think I'll move.

I think I'll move to that star in the sky. The dimmest one. I'll hike there with nothing and forget everything I know. I'll relearn how to live.

I don't understand it. I don't see why it has the result it does. Why am I left looking at the stars thinking about everything but the present? Yes, the present. I suppose that would be my current mind set. Why am I avoiding it? What is so bad about it? What am I seeing that makes it so bad? Once I identify what is bothering me, might I realize that I don't understand why it is what it is and does what it does? I can stare at the stars. I can sleep with the moon. They don't bother me. Once again, loneliness seems like it is a good thing, but unlike before, I don't like it. Miscommunication and bad timing. Missing an opportunity and not understanding how. I do suppose that it doesn't matter, but my mind won't set that in stone.

If I can't balance on the platform, maybe I shouldn't climb the ladder inconveniently (or maybe conveniently) placed on top of it.

One side of a cube may look different, but I wouldn't know if that's all I could see.


Posted by Audiophile at 01:42 AM | Comments (0)

April 05, 2004

Again, exiting stage one

As I seem to float away from the gravity of the black hole with ease like a marble down a street on a hill, I realize my change. I don't have a point to pin. It is one of the many inexplicable---at least---currently. Experience may show a different response, but I can't go off of any more than what I know already. ...and the black hole of hate and disgust and visible floating platforms of impurity...getting thinner as I swim toward the edge; I swim away from the tar and into a thinner oil with a better viscocsity for my situations. I thank Him for the rope. I like the refinement and newfound efficiency. My perspective of the central point changes for the better and I don't feel the drain sucking me to the bottom. Stage One, I belive, has passed, and I'm moving on, hoping---planning not to make another return trip. Only I can define the edges and boundaries of this. It's not something others can see, though they may notice the result. I'm liking my new stage. I think I'll name it Fido. Maybe Fido will grow and get bigger, more playful...like a puppy does... *smile*


Posted by Audiophile at 10:36 PM | Comments (0)

Eternal Sunshine

I come home
mind racing
and vibrantly
with it's timid colors
and my timid colors
and nobody is there
to talk
to express myself
to aim my amazement
to be stunned
to have shared
the experience
and nobody
or it is not opportune
or they can not be found
or they walk the ceiling precariously
in line of sight
or might I describe myself
and confusedly

My mind races
in love
and shoved
and showing
what a craze
of a maze
an awkward vanity
of a sight
with my leg up
on the chair
eyes on the wall

It was odd
with others
but alone
but not dark or black; alone and with nothing wrong with it
and the wall was nice
it was spectacular
the wall was slamming me
with subtleness
and the wall enveloped me
and it slid around
creating falsity
of truth and eager desire
and they enjoyed it
as did I
and I thought of others
that will enjoy
that could enjoy
that I want to enjoy
and share
it with

Words dissapear
and words come out
and I like it
I like it so very much
that I like it for that fact.
and I did not see the carpet
on my way out
nor the sky
other than
a quick glance
at the moon
noting it's fullness
but I saw something
never seen before
never experienced before
never thought of
by me
by staring into nothing
and in my mind
that cavern of echoes
and it was inspired
it was very well inspired
but not by the wall
like I think it was.

It was inspired by
another person
and some things
and a passion
of textures
and colors
in time.

I enjoyed the movie.
You would enjoy it.
I hope that you will enjoy it with me.

-My name is Kevin. What is yours?

Posted by Audiophile at 09:58 PM | Comments (1)

nearing the road

Tomorrow I am going to start taking my drivers education class down in Auburn at EZ Way. I'm very glad I am. I need to work on getting my grades up, though, so that my insurance rates aren't obsene. This also means, though, that I will be busy from 8:30 'till 3:30 Monday, Wednesday, Tuesday, and Thursday. (I know they're out of order...)

There is a lot to be said, but daylight savings combined with staying up with my friends until the sun rises has really thrown my schedule off. Now it's 12:40 and I need to get up at 6am.

Good Night.


Posted by Audiophile at 12:40 AM | Comments (0)

April 01, 2004

Good Mornig!

Good morning everyone!! It's 4:35 am. I fell asleep before I finished my homework...so I just woke up and realized it.


Posted by Audiophile at 04:36 AM | Comments (0)