May 28, 2005
Moving out
I am moving out of this house, one way or another.
My mother started a fight with me and I was irate. She had done it for the last time and now I have lost all trust in her. I won't go into details. Quite simply, I became violent, punched the wall, and left on thursday night around 11pm. I went to Casey's house and went to school with him friday morning. Then I went to Kathryn's house and spent the night there. Currently I am at home, but my mother is not and won't be 'till tomorrow. I'm only here to work on my car...
Sooo... I'm not sure what the future holds right now. I still have what...8 days of high school left? We'll see if I pass. I need a place to stay and I need a job. I need my drivers license. I'd like to thank everyone who is helping me in my predicament... you're all awesome.
-Kevin
May 26, 2005
Kathryn and me!
It's 12:45 in the morning and I'm still up... being the stupid insomniac I am...
Jason just sent me these pictures of Kathryn and me. He took them on his 007 lighter camera (from thinkgeek.com). They're not very good... but Kathryn certainly looks a lot better than I do! Aww...isn't she especially cute in that third picture? :-)
-Kevin
May 19, 2005
Tool - Aenima
This is one of my favorite songs by Tool and sometimes the lyrics just match with how I feel, so here they are:
Aenima
Some say the end is near.
Some say we'll see armageddon soon.
I certainly hope we will.
I sure could use a vacation from this
Bullshit three ring circus sideshow of
Freaks
Here in this hopeless fucking hole we call LA
The only way to fix it is to flush it all away.
Any fucking time. Any fucking day.
Learn to swim, I'll see you down in Arizona bay.
Fret for your figure and
Fret for your latte and
Fret for your hairpiece and
Fret for your lawsuit and
Fret for your prozac and
Fret for your pilot and
Fret for your contract and
Fret for your car.
It's a
Bullshit three ring circus sideshow of
Freaks
Here in this hopeless fucking hole we call LA
The only way to fix it is to flush it all away.
Any fucking time. Any fucking day.
Learn to swim, I'll see you down in Arizona bay.
Some say a comet will fall from the sky.
Followed by meteor showers and tidal waves.
Followed by faultlines that cannot sit still.
Followed by millions of dumbfounded dipshits.
Some say the end is near.
Some say we'll see armageddon soon.
I certainly hope we will cuz
I sure could use a vacation from this
Silly shit, stupid shit...
One great big festering neon distraction,
I've a suggestion to keep you all occupied.
Learn to swim.
Mom's gonna fix it all soon.
Mom's comin' round to put it back the way it ought to be.
Learn to swim.
Fuck L Ron Hubbard and
Fuck all his clones.
Fuck all those gun-toting
Hip gangster wannabes.
Learn to swim.
Fuck retro anything.
Fuck your tattoos.
Fuck all you junkies and
Fuck your short memory.
Learn to swim.
Fuck smiley glad-hands
With hidden agendas.
Fuck these dysfunctional,
Insecure actresses.
Learn to swim.
Cuz I'm praying for rain
And I'm praying for tidal waves
I wanna see the ground give way.
I wanna watch it all go down.
Mom please flush it all away.
I wanna watch it go right in and down.
I wanna watch it go right in.
Watch you flush it all away.
Time to bring it down again.
Don't just call me pessimist.
Try and read between the lines.
I can't imagine why you wouldn't
Welcome any change, my friend.
I wanna see it all come down.
suck it down.
flush it down.
4b50|_ut3 5u><0r
Today i did my Senior presentation. It went horribly. My car wouldn't start so I couldn't bring it to show my progress and I also left my notecards at home. yep... improvisation... and it fucking sucked. I was sleep deprived, stressed, and unprepared.
Fortunately, I was able to spend a lot of my day with Kathryn! Thank you so much for being there...
Right now I feel horrible. I was trying not to let it show. *sigh*
I wish I wasn't so damn depressed all the time.
-Kevin
May 13, 2005
My blog is depressing.
My blog is so depressing...
Occasionally there is a really bright entry.
I dunno... I guess there are some nice months where most of the entries were pretty good, but so much is depressing.
I dwell on it too much.
Dwelling is bad... I've found myself saying that many times on this blog.
This blog is a nice litle vent to my mind. Just typing this stuff out makes me feel better. It helps me to figure out whats tearing at me. I t helps me to dig up old wisdom from the back of my brain.
...some of those things I find myself telling other people, but not telling myself.
floor = bed
I know not of who visits here, so goodnight, lonely blog.
-Kevin
May 12, 2005
nothing ever lasts. so it seems some times.
Right now I feel horrible.
I admit, yes, it is partly because of you.
Additionally, though, I exhasted myself today so I'm just rather moody.
I haven't eaten much, either.
I almost fell out of Karls truck when I got to his house. I opened the door and kind of stumbled...
I need some rest. I overwork myself yet I never feel productive.
I'm really not sure what I'm wanting to say here right now.
I want things to work out and I'm willing to work on it. I have my faults too... Yes. I have many faults...
Usually I don't talk about them.
Usually I'm not aware of them.
I am depresed and I'm to blame, so don't take it personally. I hate sinking into this. It's the sleep deprevation and tiring day that sets me up for it. After that, the slightest thing can turn me down even if I know it's stupid. Then all of my mind is a dark cloud and I gasp for air trying to get out of it. I want to sleep because I know the feeling is only temporary.
There is so much. I want to write more. I have to go.
-Kevin