Lately I feel like I'm fighting for something. I don't know what it is but something just doesn't feel right. I have so much running throught my head that I can't make any sense out of it. I have let it go so long without writting and putting it somewhere else. My mind has become a junk yard of thoughts. Every thought like a car smashed and put in a heep. Just like the cars they were once useful but because of a lack of mantince and use has become a relic of something great. As for this fight, what am I fighting for? A sense of self or being, maybe but I feel it is more then that. Then what you ask. I can't tell you that, I don't even know. Maybe, maybe I'm fighting or searching for a place where I feel loved rather than just knowing that I am. Maybe I'm searching for someone who I can tell my deepest thoughts to, someone who I care about but not to the point where it matters if they take offence to something I say and have nothing to do with me anymore. What has this computer become to me? It has become a refuge from this life, a safe place for me to retreat to. I am being streached between too many things. I have my friends, family, school, the one I care about, and my own seperate interests all pulling me in secerate directions. I feel like a rubberband that is about to break. I will break soon I can feel it. I'm starting to now I can feel it I'm loosing it I can barely hold on. I need to choose two or three of these things to divide my time between. While my heart is telling me to go with the one that I care about my mind is telling me not to. You see I devoted 95% of my self towards/to someone and I was hut badly. The scars are still visable and burning white hot with pain on my soul. I will continue to streach myself again until I break at which point I will go with my heart. Thank you.
Posted by UberZogster at February 23, 2004 08:23 AMDeep...
Posted by: Me at February 23, 2004 11:57 AM