Boyo's Blog

HHV6

HHV6 for those of you who don't know is a virus that 98% of the population carries however their immune systems manage to keep dorment, mine doesn't. From what I have been tolled if it isn't treated it will attack you brain and eventually turn you into a vegi just before it kills you. Also for those of you who don't know a little over a year ago I took Vistide which is an anti viral chemo therapy that was designed for use in aids patients. Vistide makes you feel like fucking shit and you have to give up one day a week to take it and then 3 days a week you have to go have blood drawn to make sure that you kidneys arn't shutting down due to it. This process also takes 12 weeks or 3 months. And apparently has to be redone after about a year. The other day my Mom and i were talking and she said that I was probably going to have to go back on Vistide I tolled her that I would never take it again and she asked "what then you just die?" I responded "yes" the interesting part is that I ment it. Why you might ask well I don't see that point in doing this every year just to live a stupid fucked up life in this world and i'm not afrade of dieing. Yes i'm nbot going to go kill my self but if i died i wouldn't really care. The thing that i am afrade of is suffering when i die it had better be something like i fucked up and slamed into a tree while driveing and died instantly not some stupid thing where i drown or burn to deth or worse drown in a pool with fire on top. and you see i will end up eating my own words and going back on Vistide but not to live for my sake but to live for my parents sake and my friends sakes. It just wouldn't feel right to die and leave you all behind. it isn't to see what lies ahead because i already know that i will live my life doing some job that i hate in order to make money to provide for my family assuming that i have a family and eventually i will retire and probably end up going back to work just because i don't like to sit around all the time. i think that is one of my major problems at the current time i just sit around way too much. nothing seams right nothing sounds appealing. The things that are apealing require money more of it than i will have at any time in the near future. I need to find something that i really enjoy and do that...... Yes i am getting a new MG this weekend anmd from what i hear it is in really bad shape cool something to work on and keep my mind off everything else. i think that is one of the major problems about being me my mind doesn't ever leave me alone it is allways going never shutting up. lately everything and everyone has been pissing me off i wish that it didn't maybe i would like being stuck with my self all the time a little better. Yes i hate myself i hate what i am and what i do i often think that i would be better as something else someone else. i donno maybe it is just this town maybe that i why i am going to be in rosvill in 12 hours looking for a job. some ask why don't you just move down there. i reply it is cheeper to stay where i am however i think that is just what i keep tellking myself i think that i am truly just afrade of it because there are so many unknowns that i have absolutely no way of answering. i donno i guess all this will change withen 2 years. thank you all for listening and goodnight. Oh and Sommer we are all still here if you want to come back....