So my girlfriend and I have been going out for a month and a half (roughly) and now I am not sure whether it's over, or not. She hasn't said anything, or even hinted, but it seems like we are a lot less close all of a sudden.
I really haven't got a clue on what I'm supposed to do. I mean, if I was going to end a relationship (something I hope I never have to do, seeing as it always makes me look like a complete jerk, or a complete idiot) I would really do it. Of course, I find it rather hard to be mad at my girlfriend, seeing as she is my girlfriend.
'Course, looking deeper into my anger, I discover I really am pissed off at something else entirely. I would be torn up for a long while if she dumped me, but I wouldn’t be angry. I am really pissed with my retarded student teacher. I honestly think she should never be allowed near a child of any sort.
I go to a science and tech magnet school, and if your GPA is below a 3 they kick you out. I have never failed a class in my life, and now, I have a 38% F.
I try harder in that class then in any other, but still, my grade DROPS!!!!!
Getting deeper to the source of my depression and anger...
I am a really short step away from being a compulsive liar. I lie about anything for kicks. (I don't lie to my family, and only lie to my friends about my past) But, since I have always believed that you must have at least something you don't compromise, I have never told a lie about being sorry. That is my uncompromised principle.
Throughout the quarter, she (my student teacher) has asked me things like "how do you like the class", and true to form; I have always lied and said yes.
Finally, I got so fed up with it all that I said "you know, I like you as a person, but I hate your class. With a passion.
I find out that my real English teacher has told my focus teacher (focus=homeroom=study time), who controls whether or not I am in my school next year, (BTW I love my school, and will probably swallow every chemical I have if I get kicked out) that I had been intolerably disrespectful, and that he (who had liked me before) didn't think he wanted me back next year.
So, in the interest of saving my ass, I said that I was sorry, and had been having a god awful day that day (which is true), and that i hadn't meant it.
So now I have lied about being sorry.
On top of that, I really am a bad person. My one redeeming quality is that I stand by what I believe in. I don't compromise my positions on stuff (including my positions on my friends). When I told her that I like the class, I was lying. But when I said that I hated her class, I told the truth, and by doing that, I established that as a position, and by apologizing, I compromised that one too.
This probably doesn't sound that bad, but I really do stand by my positions (I still say that Clinton never had an affair, and nobody agrees with me on that), and it really kills me that I have abandoned this one.
Anyways, I'm probably coming off as a real teenage drama, idiot. So, I'll shut up now.
Posted by FlamingGodSmiley at March 13, 2004 11:12 PM