Why do you think you were put on this earth? Do you know? Are you just sailing through time with no direction? What have you done with your life? Who have you helped through the years? Where would these people be if it weren't for you? Seriously, think about it. your family, your friends, that random person you didn't know but you helped them anyway, where would they all be if it weren't for you? This universe is made up of an uncountable amount of little things, that come together in one fluid motion to make our realm of living. Do you ever think about the millions of molecules that you're made from? Where they used to be? A strand of someone's hair, the lining of their intestines, decomposed and reabsorbed and made into plants that cows eat and then you take a bite of your cheeseburger, you have recycled the past. How could those subatomic particles possibly make up everything we see around us? How could photons show us these complexities?
Just one other reason why I believe in fate.
We're all here for a reason, the world would be a different place if any single one of us never existed. Life is wonderful. Dont let it pass you by.
Um... there was my random shit of the week. hope you all are having fun :)
97% on my chem midterm. I am so happy. No word on the calc one, yet. The 'rents came over today, we had fun and stuff. I now have better speakers for my computer. :D Well last week was the busy week and this is now the sit around and be bored week, wherein I have to finish my short story, which is now 5 pages. I like some of the descriptions in it, but I dont know if I like the story yet.
That's really it for now. I kinda miss Brian, which is bumming me out. I guess I'll go have some dinner or something.
If you want an explanation to why I haven't been posting, last week was full of an agonizing wait for the weekend, because Brian visited me. I am definitely feeling better now that I got my Nemofix :D of course, he's gone again, so I'm eh again. Been looking at apartments for next school year. Foud one I like, I just doubt I'll be able to get into it. And I want brian to come live with me but he obviously cant, he has school in santa rosa. So I have two midterms this week. Which probably means you won't be hearing from me till the weekend. Unless I procrastinate and say a quick hi instead of studying.
Sorry no philosophical stuff or anything like that, though I complained that I have to start doin that, but my immediate life and it's surroundings are requiring my full attention.
Hope you all have a good week, wish me luck.
Well I'm bored, so I thought I'd make an entry. I luckily have very little homework this weekend, which gives me ample time to work on my short story for creative writing (which is actually homework, but it's a month long project so thats different) but I am suffering from a slight lapse in inspiration. I know what I want to write about, but it's hard to put it in the right words. I'm quite fond of my opening paragraph though:
"She looked down at her hands, cracked and bleeding, water washing the blood away slowly, diluted. Her eyes shifted to the stream of water, the glint of the overhead fluorescent light off the polished steel of the faucet bright and new. She could stare at that stream, it felt like hours would go by and she would lose herself in the fluidity, how the water bent the world behind it, warping it as it see fit. The stream would dance down her hands, cold and flowing. The soft hiss of it rushing through the pipes, the sharp splashing of it dripping into the sink. Carrying away red blood cells. Plasma the color of resin that she could not see but knew was there. Her fingers twitched from the stinging. She held her hands under the faucet a few minutes more, staring at the pink orange glow of the insides of her eyelids. A bird flew by the kitchen window, screeching harshly."
So I think if I just sit down and focus, I'll be able to find the drive to do it. I just need to listen to some deep, weird music. Or something like that.
Hope everyone enjoys their 3 day weekend. :)
Some people are disgusting. They think nasty things and they're compelled to share these nasty things with others.
Some people are inconsiderate bastards. They don't think one second about what their actions might do to someone else.
Some people have no compassion. Because if they did, they would realise the above fact.
Some people aren't using a fraction of the brain they should be. Don't have to add anything to that one, its fairly apparent.
As you can tell, I'm pretty pissed at the human race right now. Can you blame me? Seriously, can you? We abuse, we manipulate and exploit, or sit in our chairs looking at disgusting shit, and I'm sick of hearing about it. I'm sick of seeing it on the news, reading it online, hearing people talking about it. Seeing it infront of me.
What's so hard to bear isnt that there are horrible things out there... it's that people could see/hear about them, and not bat an eye.
I find it quite sad.
I fear what kind of world my children will have to face.
Its 7:30 in the morning. I have class. Creative writing.
Why couldnt I have signed up for a later time?
That is all.
Everybody check out my badass new Site.
It seems like thats all I ever do here. Wait for Brian, wait for class, wait for the minutes to slip. Wait until the next time I can do this, do that. Its all just an extended period of waiting. When does my life begin? Where do I draw the line? Hasn't my life been going on for 18 years already?
Given what the waiting will lead to, I dont mind. College degree, a husband and a family. I'm willing to wait for these things. I'm probably more willing than I know, the frustration of waiting usually dominates most other emotions. Brian tells me he'll move out here so we can live together as I finish college. I feel badly when he says that, like I'm denying him his own college eduation. A college education that he thinks he cannot get. He's just as smart as me, if not smarter in some aspects. I don't understand why some things are easier for me. Probably the same reason why he can look at a computer and say more things about it than I could ever hope to do. Different backarounds, different experiences. Its so odd to think genes that are 99.9% the same could make such different people as we see on this earth. How a few tenths of a percentage could code for a monkey instead. Thats why I'm majoring in genetics, the code for biological computers. Technology more advanced than we can even imagine. God gave us the gift of reason, encoded it into our souls, we are beings of fragile minds and infinite potential.
Don't wait for you time, because time will not wait for you.
So stop waiting, and go live.
Back at my dorm room. the FREEDOM, even just sitting here in my chair, I feel so *free*. I love it.
Classes start tomorrow. Wish me luck.
And wish my mother luck as well. There's been a bit of a scare lately involving her and breast cancer. My grandma had it so it's possible, though they always say that sort of thing skips generations... :-\ Anyway, she should be finding out within the next few weeks whether or not she should be concerned. I'm pretty confident that she's fine, but she on the other hand...
Well, it's good to be back. I hope everyone out there's having a good 2005 so far.
Yes, a new year has started. Thinking back, I was blessed with many things last year. A wonderful boyfriend, a relaxing summer, a new computer, admission to a University, among some other minor things. Sometimes I feel spoiled because I got a new laptop just because I'm going to college, and I get new clothes every year, while there are so many people out there so much less fortunate than I. I'm thankful I have been given these opportunities, and so many chances for success, not only in college but in relationships.
-Try to get good grades in college.
-Go to the gym.
-Don't give up on my novel.
I should probably throw in "donate something to the tsunami disaster fund", as well.
I have to stop being such a sore loser. I have to stop feeling disgusted whenever my mom wants to talk about something personal.
And maybe some other things.
I hope everyone out there has a wonderful 2005.
I love you, Brian.