Today was fairly typical, with a few important exceptions. First, hills rocked. You'd think running until your legs started to collapse would suck, but it didn't.
Second, it seems I must reevaluate one of my paradigms. In life, I hold some things as true because of facts, proofs. Others, I accept on faith, but an active faith...to the extent that if I were proven wrong, my life would need to be radically altered. One such faith is the exsistance of God. Luckily, that is not the one I will be examining...it has already been proven "true" to me (Encounter). The one that comes into question is my basic beleif about myself, that I am capable of knowing truth. It has been pointed out to me that I may be rejecting some truth unknowingly because deep down, I do not want to accept it. I am, possibily, too stubborn to realize I am stubborn. After a short examination tonight and some quick questions to friends who happened to be online, I have decided this does warrent deep and serious investigation. To do so, I shall attempt to question some things I hold to be absolutely true, hopefully with the help of the one who pointed out that this situation may exsist. Perhaps I will have determined the answer by the end of this weekend.
Perhaps I choose to accept the best about you because the worst hurts too much to face, perhaps I build you up so I may have something to lean on, perhaps it is all lies and the truth has been hidden...but what if I've been right all along? If I open myself to radical change, will you do the same?
Or maybe love is blind to faults and will only allow us to view those we love as good people...to accept you love something bad, or evil, or incredibly flawed is difficult. Will I be able to look at you the same if everything I thought was you was imaginary? Absolute knowledge to complete ignorance...maybe I will just be stubborn and leave you in my mind as you are until you prove otherwise...and constantly hope you don't.
No, I will not explain the above right now...again, this blog is more for me than you. :D For once I'm being selfish...haha!
Song du jour:
Juliana Theory - Constellation
I wanna be selfish, you're my everything, please don't forget my name, and take me with you when you leave, I've got a lost ot lose, I've got to let it go...