Today...today surprised me. In many ways. We got the tickets to Bourne Supremecy that we wanted, my tutoring went really well, cutting fabric didn't kill me, a person I keep thinking dislikes me showed that things were really ok, Lauren's mass went well, we sped around, the Aztek rocks, and Shari's food isn't terrible.
But the best single moment was when an older lady went out of her way to thank our party at Shari's for being so wonderful, sayed we were the future and she was proud of us, and blessed us. Her two sons when to JHS back in the day and loved it, and her hope in the new generation was renewed by listening to our loud conversations. Yeah. That's a huge warm and fuzzy feeling. It even overcompensated the embarressment brought by hugging Spence really tight and accidentally hook a bit of rach's shirt with one finger. >_< Late at night, I lose all cordination and spatial awareness. But all is well.
Tomorrow I can't do anything after tech. My parents are apparently gone for the weekend and want to actually see my face for a change. Go figure. Here I thought they'd be happy to not have me around for a while. I think they were, but some deeper family instinct keeps them from giving me totally free reign. Honestally, we'd get along so much better if they left out a list of simple chores and some cash every so often and I could come and go as I pleased. Maybe family dinners one night a week or something.
Don't get me wrong, I love them dearly. They're the only people who seem to have a definate stake in my well being...maybe they "have to", but they have more than proven their love for me. Any one of my family members could completely destroy my life if they so chose. Likewise, they can make things so much easier. Far more often than not, they make things easy. But what really gets me is the way they actually care. Corny, I know. Example: my little sister really does look up to me. In my mom's words, she "idolizes and worships me". Its kinda creepy...anyone who really knows me (which, I guess, isn't very many people) know that I'm not a truely good person, or even that good of a rolemodel. I guess I'm alright on the surface and stuff, but underneath is bad. "Maybe I only claimed to be good, all that evil shit's not hard to find." I'm truely safe around them, despite however much I may hate to be under someone's thumb so completely.
Friends are also a good source of saftey and whatnot. Somehow, I ended up as one of those incredibly lucky people who has a group of incredibly good friends. Not only are the friends good as friends, but they're just plain good people. I honestally beleive that if I ever had a problem I couldn't handle, I could go to any one of them and they would do everything in their power to help me. Some of them already have helped a ton, whether they realize it or not. I won't comment on any specifics because I don't want anyone to feel embarassed or pressured to continue acting as they are. The whole beauty of it is that these people are so genuine, they are the way they are because that's the way they are, not because they feel forced to act that way. And putting up with me is a hell of a feat, I assure you. Tonight was almost overwhelming...so many people are so loving. Coupled with this afternoon...wow.
On a sadder note, Ryan severely burned his hand tonight. Hopefully he'll be ok, but its doubtful he'll have full use back for a weekish.
For some reason, Ryan and Rob seem to consider me a considerable help. I don't know why this is...I don't do things that other people can't do as well or better. Actually, I think I work best when someone like Scott or Rachel is doing all the skill work and I just assist with manual labor. I'm capable of skill stuff (Pat and I did a marvelous job free-hand cutting some facing today) but I'm not outstanding. Which makes me wonder what's so special about me...surely I'm not that much more helpful because I'm bigger? I'm sure it will make sense someday.
It's now time for sleep. I'm pretty much already passed out. Music for tonight: Your Funeral - Saves the Day. Far too morbid for the occasion, but it works.
Posted by Viper37 at July 15, 2004 12:06 AM