Sundays are always strange days for me. A weekend in the lack of school and a weekday in classes the following morning, I never know how to treat them. Today, with the encouragement of Sir Doug, I got up at an unheard of hour of 8 AM to shower, eat, fall asleep again, and then go to 10:30 mass after picking up Doug. The homily qualified as good (read: I understood the priest and his voice kept me awake) and we went to Round Table for some pizza and power-outlets for while we typed our history paper. Then we drove to the library so I could grab some more books and movies before cruisin' to my starbucks study session that was rather small but still enormously beneficial. With my helpful comments and occasional witty remark, doug managed to write three amazing calc. programs that had better be helpful on the final. If you want them, you'll prolly have to pay because they're that nice and we hate freeloaders who freeload more than we do, which is saying something. Football banquet was alright, good speeches, I got my clothes and football patch and metro patch, etc. and had another moment with coach massey...I'm really gonna miss having him as a coach/role model/inspiration. He kept me in the program and made practice the most fun I can ever remember it being. The year would not have been the same without him.
Tomorrow I'm busy all afterschool, first with the history paper and then with a little celebration. Tuesday I have "math lab" or a swim meet and then rehersal, wednesday is tech, chess, and dinner with the family, thursday is homework night, friday I'm filming the play, saturday is free day (or maybe study day) and sunday is mass, play, strike. Monday is a study session and tuesday through thursday are finals.
Man, I love having the week planned.
At this moment, I'm at peace with the world. The coming stress of this paper, of finals, of colleges, of plays, of social crap, and of life just don't matter. Maybe I'll score well, maybe I'll find the perfect college, maybe people are pissed with me, maybe life's about to balance my amazing luck with some shit, who knows. Right now, in this single instant, I'm happy. All the world is mine and I am free of all the world. Or some philisophical thing like that. I don't know how to describe it but I just feel content.
I made a choice this morning when I woke up. For the first time I can remember, I'm at a crossroads where I can follow my idealism completely or follow my pessimist, self-protecting nature. While taking my traditional sunday 20-30 minute soak, I realized I can trust completely or trust partially, open myself to crushing failure or safeguard myself against heartbreak. I once asked God to "let it be if it should be, help me to move on if it should not" and placed myself entirely in his hands. Now I'm living the results of these prayers and continuing to pray them, asking God to show me the right path and help me to follow it. I deeply and firmly beleive I am, and because of that I have renewed faith in my fellow man. I am accepting that the events in my life are neither good luck or pure chance by rather divine guidence. When I think about it, all the "bad" in my life has eventually resulted in good. God does have a plan for us and I intend to try and follow it to the best of my ability with the faith he will guide me through hardship and protect me from harm.
This is my faith, this is my joy, this is my life...and I am greatful for it.
I could not ask for more...thank you so much.
I love you!