Today I got up late (around 10:30) and made myself french toast. Then I drove to tech with all the windows down and some AK3 blaring...total drive time, 11:something minutes. No record, but sub-15 is crusing if its durning daylight hours.
Tech today was fun, I got to play with wiring and see some of the show. For some reason, I still don't feel like "key crew". I mean, I know I'm going to all the shows, but the scale of this seems less than the number of cues I had for music man. I don't know...I really wanted this, and I got it, and now it almost seems mundane. I think this feeling of apathy will pass this weekend/early next week, though. That's when I'm finally involved in the show.
I need to write papers tomorrow.
Ever make a strong and sincere effort to do the right thing and feel like you just spit into hell? Absolutely no effect, or at least, no effect you thought you'd get? Yeah.
This weekend felt like summer. The freedom, the tech, the sun, the long days and long nights... its sad to realize that that's gone forever. This summer, I'll have a job. My parents kinda spelled it out for me...I need to have a regular, paying job this summer to keep them paying tuition. I don't know how this is gonna work with the much-acclaimed senior road trip. I'll have to pay my own expenses there, and I'm not gonna have much money post-graduation. I think reality is kicking my dreams to shreds. The future is starting to fly towards me. I'm not ready but at the same time I'm dying to just leap and see where the wind takes me. I think...I know one aspect of my future, though I'll admit a small part of my brain remains uncertain and unwilling to beleive I could be so lucky. But man...I need this. I need this so bad. I need for once in my life, everything does in fact work out just so with no mistakes or side trips. I need this to be the greater good, the best path, and as such the path I follow.
I need to be able to continue beleiving the world is a better place than it seems, a better place than headlines and experience would lead us to beleive. I need my faith to stay strong, I need love to stay in my heart and in my arms, I need life, liberty and happiness, I need trust and support and a loving embrace. I need for my vision to be reality, my dream to be your dream, for love to conquer all.
I'm tired of falling, of being let down, of drama, of thoughtless pain.
Tonight, I learned that drama productions really do go beyond "putting on a show". I got a taste of what actors are addicted too. I realized...I could never stay in this world too long, or else I'd get lost in it...swallowed whole without a glance back at my previous aspirations. The more I learn about life the harder it is to live.
Envy the children, they know not what it is that awaits them.
Yet...I can't wait for my future, scary as the prospect is...
C'est la vie.
Je t'aime, ma petite copine!
Posted by Viper37 at February 21, 2005 08:21 PMDude, just give the tech some time to settle in. It's not a mindblowing experience, but it's not incredibly boring either. It's work and it's stressful but it's also fun. Okay, so it's really hard to describe.
Just wait on judging it until after opening night.
Posted by: A at February 21, 2005 11:09 PMSeriously, nothing in my opinion compares to the feeling you get on opening night when you're backstage before the show and you hear the voices of 500 people buzzing out there in the audience. Then you do your thing, and you hear 500 people gasp or applaud or laugh, and you realize that what you're doing and what you have done is part of what is making them think and feel. Now that is incredible. Just my two cents (and two comments... IRONY!)
Posted by: A at February 21, 2005 11:38 PMThis reply ended up kinda long...
It's gonna be hard to ever top Music Man, so as much as it may suck to hear, don't go in expecting that. I think much of it is that it's just a different show. It was really easy (at least for me) to be into and pumped for every single second of Music Man. But having been to...two...rehersals for Dead Man...it's a great show, don't get me wrong. But it's gonna be hard to be AS into it every night.
And the other part is the workload. Music Man...almost constantly busy (except for the huge gap when we had sword fights and traded swigs of Pepsi). And every cue was HUGE. It was rarely one thing. It was always like five. This...much smaller show.
And Adrianna's right. Tech does blow sometimes. This week, it's been really hard for me to want to go to rehersal, whereas with Music Man and even Spitfire, I couldn't wait. It's just a job like any other...there are good days and bad days.
But it'll be good times. Won't suck as much as Secret Garden, I can promise that :-D
Posted by: Scott at February 24, 2005 04:02 PM