This weekend was the Mock Trial Regional Competition, hosted by the University of Notre Dame. ND entered 3 teams in the tournament, and we finished 1-3 (the third consecutive year the program has done so). My team, 924 ("Team Ramrod") finished first, the only 8-0 team this weekend (also the team to finish 1st for the last three years). I recieved an "Outstanding Witness" award for my work on the defence, ending up in a huge-ass tie for 4th best witness at the tourney. My two directing attourney's recieved Outstanding Attourney awards, and Mike recieved his third Witness award, missing his third Attourney award by one point.
I'll include the full results below, I'm just excited for nationals now.
I love you!! ^ ^
(ND students are in bold, my team is in italics)
Midwest Regional Mock Trial Tournament
Hosted by the University of Notre Dame
Outstanding Trial Team Awards:
1. University of Notre Dame, 924 (8-0)
2. University of Notre Dame, 926 (7-0-1)
3. University of Notre Dame, 935 (7-1)
4. Michigan State University, 955 (5-3, CS=18.5)
5. Benedictine University, 648 (5-3, CS=13.5)
Bids to the National Championship Tournament:
Team 924, University of Notre Dame
Team 926, University of Notre Dame
Bids to the National Tournament (Hamline):
Team 955, Michigan State University
Team 648, Benedictine University
Team 930, Northwood University
Team 536, Western Michigan University
Spirit of AMTA:
Team 474, Ball State University
HM: Team 222, Bye-Buster (with 4 ND students)
Outstanding Attorney Awards:
Tim Hayden, 648
Joshua Jones, 931
John Poczik, 387
Kelly Snyder, 924
Marlena Mangan, 925 (18 on other side)
Ryan O'Connor, 926
Ashley Davis, 461
David Greene, 222 (but really ND)
William Mapes, 930
Tom Bagwell, 388
Drew Haase, 924
Eric Scramlin, 536
Gina Tennerelli, 925
Lesley Wright, 976
Outstanding Witness Awards
Michael Anderson, 924
Chastity Graham, 955
Eve Siferd, 537
Jassica Beerbower, 386
John Burke, 924
Amanda Fritsch, 925
Scott Harding, 461
Max Peters, 903
Jordan Tank, 387
Anjali Alva, 648
Beth Bannano, 363
John Highman, 362
Done with my midterms for the week, which is nice. I hopefully did well on them...if I did, then I'm in good shape for the rest of the semester academically. Regionals are this weekend. This is the bit that matters. Do well, we're going to nationals. Do poorly...I might not get a spring break. Yeah. So hopefully we'll do well.
Not much else to say, two and a half-ish weeks to go before break. I can't wait.
I love you.
The weather here is completely unpredicatable and incomprehenicble, in my mind. I awake to freezing temperatures with brilliant sunshine one day, only to find piles of snow, clouds, and temperatures abouve the 40's the next.
This feels like living underwater. Days drag on so much slower than they should, little things stand out as they float by. I can't see very far ahead of myself anymore. And the pressure just keeps mounting, threatening to crush me the instant I try and relax. I can't relax, not really...
I love you.
And age...for the first time in my life, I'm begining to feel "old". Speaking with an RA headed to med school really cemented it. Here he is, a man living just down the hall, planning out the next 10 years of his life. Join the navy and they'll pay for med school and give him valuable experience, try and go it alone and end up with huge debts, trying to figure out if he'll be able to get married and start a family before he's 35. I'm afraid. College fit into my comfort zone because I focus on the moment. Think about what you have to do each day, what problems you're facing only on that day, and slog through it. I try to look to the horizon and I realize how high I am on the mountain. Maybe its a great feeling of accomplishment to reach the peak, but then you realize all that's left is to climb back down. And for the entire journey...the end is staring you in the face. No longer is the future obscured, no longer is death far off and easily ignored. I'm forced to wonder what I'm doing with my life, what I'm accomplishing.
Then failure. Failure is always there, grinning its ugly face and doggin my every step. Failure to attain my full potential. Failure to live up to my own expectations, my own standards. Failure to maintain that which I'm desperately trying to maintain. Failure to be something, mean something, matter. If life is nothing but random events at the smallest level, and we merely construe meaning from it to satisfy our own inner needs...then life is worthless. Life can't be worthless, can it?
I feel isolated. There's plenty of great people here, people who consider me a friend, people with whom I talk and work and play and relax. But it feels...everything feels forced. I've always tried to be an idealist. Now I'm turning into a cynic. I wonder how long this will last. Two friends going abroad next year. A year without seeing a friend I've had for a year. Will the friendship remain? Then more friends leave junior year. And all of this...I guess its me, but it feels shallow. Drinking is lame. People drink because they're scared they won't be liked without it, because they think its cool, because it makes it easier to relax and be stupid because the drug is an excuse. People drink because they think they enjoy it, that it makes life fun, because there's nothing to do. And people I was once very close to drink. All but two or three of my friends here drink. You learn to live with it, but every so often, someone else has a moment of clarity. They pause, turn to me, and wonder aloud why they bother drinking, if it really makes them better, why everyone gets so caught up. Then, at the next party, whatever revelation they may have had sinks away into loud laughter.
Everything is just out of reach. What do you do when your mind "knows" one thing, but you intuitively feel another? Is knowledge always right? Does feeling prevail? And what when there are opposing feelings? I don't know.
I don't seem to dream much anymore.
I just don't know anymore.
Woke up to glaring sunshine and blinding, snow-cover ground. Stumbled to the shower, eyes squinting against the light of day, before trecking in the relatively warm weather over to CoMo, for three and a half hours of MT. Then, determined to get back into shape, I went to the Rock where I rode a stationary bike for a solid 50 minutes, not letting myself stop until sweat had started to pool under me. Then I stumbled down to the pool and swam laps for half an hour, when I was kicked out so little kids could do swim lessons.
The walk back to North felt longer than ever, no one answering their phone, tempeture 3 degrees out before wind chill.
And me, still damp, in a sweatshirt, hat, and gloves.
Consitancy in weather would be a blessing...
And now, I sit in an empty room with faint songs playing over the stereo, everyone else gone somewhere as I try to force myself to do some of the mountains of work I have due.
And now tears silently pool in my eyes, in an empty room that isn't mine, as the cold wind stings to the bone and reminds me that right now, I'm truely alone.
Maybe Freud was right about human motivation...
And sleep never comes for the weary.
The choclates are delicious.
I miss you.
I love you!
...this was killing me...
Watch your mouth
hold your toungue boy
because you're running out of breath
running out of time before every careless word that you utter renders you utterly useless
now you're drowning in your own saliva
trying to speak yourself to the top of your hardcore world
well keep on talking just keep on rambling
you've got your mouth full
now listen here's the pleasant part
you and i we fell apart
why don't you make up your mind
shut your mouth
burn your bridges
throw your words like an attack
stab me in the...
wait a second what's that i just heard?
nevermind it's obviously useless...
now you're standing on your soapbox
yelling from the rooftops
everything you say is a lie
now listen here's the clever one
who speaks before his thoughts are done
why can't you make up your mind
watch your mouth
hold your tongue
some things are better left unsaid
now i hope you're pleased
you let your pride stand tall
it danced within your words right before your fall
why don't you say that to my face
if i told you this was killing me would you stop?
to know that words are empty
that feeling is gone
emotion are numbed
Chestal cavity made real.
When silence soothes
And voices grate on the heart
and I wonder
what happened to summer?
time, sand, slipping through my fingers...the harder I grasp, the faster I fall...