Yes, that's kinda what I feel like right about now, besides being a nice Rush album/song. I don't know why, but it seems that it meant to happen. If God has a sense of humor, it sure is pretty wicked. Anyways, you don't know what I'm talking about.
KeySpy.100Somehow with circumstances out of my control, they found out about her, they asked about her, and then they tried to call her. Obviously I stopped their attempts during that time, but it really was futile back at home. So now she knows. "Oh hi, this is an anonymous benefactor and I'm here to tell you that Danny Mendoza is in love with you.
And if you were really noble, you'd read more of this entry, now wouldn't you?
In retrospect, I can say that this is really nothing. I'm overreactive, paranoid, over-protective, and a control freak. I tried to plan things out, things that I could not foresee, could not understand. I tried to make everything *perfect*. In reality, I have no place in anyone's heart, how could I even suggest that. However, I thought that she was *perfect*, it would work, and things would either go happily ever after, or more often crash and burn; but even then it would be worth it. And I would wait. Wait until I thought the time was *perfect*. Ah, but maybe I waited too long. Maybe I was never showed interest. Maybe I never could be with another person.
In any case, things proceeded in a direction that I feared, the only direction I feared. She won't talk to me, look at me, or even notice I'm there. This is the only thing I couldn't prepare for, yet it is the most difficult to resolve. Of course, this is also the worst outcome because it hurts both of us in the process, and I know she's a very emotional person with a very unstable lifestyle. She has few that she can confide in about it, fewer that she knows can help her.
I too have no real sense how to deal with this matter, I actually have locked myself up as well to a large extent. In fact, for the next week, I really don't know what to do until school starts. I have a few things on my mind, but they're not too productive, yet I'm not naming them here. All in all, I can't really say I wasn't setting myself up for this. There's not a particle of dirt that would say this couldn't happen. I merely don't know how to handle things, I have no experience, no knowledge, no guide. Hrm, my life sucks.
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