I can see the horizon stretch out there forever
So cold, everywhere that I go
And my vision is starting to skew
Lack of bloodsugar making me say to you
Let me drown
Let me drown
Let me drown
And when I walked to the mirror, and I saw the reflection getting clearer (I didn't have my glasses), I did see someone there. That someone was me. But it was a different me. I really couldn't understand why though. Some time had passed since I looked in that mirror, and somehow I was different. But yet, I wasn't. In fact, I don't think there was any physical changes whatsoever, but rather psychological changes. And I think I figured it out.
You see, last weekend, I went to Oregon. I went to Oregon to see some friends, and to possibly make new ones. I went to see the Electric Doormat Mini Concert™. I can't describe how awesome it was, how cool it was to be with one of the people I talk to every day, yet never truly have known them. It was... different. I could talk about what happened on those wonderful days, but I don't really have the capacity to right now. And then, there was the whole meet and greet one of your personal idols thing. I mean, wait. One sec, that has to sink in. YOUR OWN PERSONAL IDOL. MEET HIM. I mean, come on. Do you know how... awkward that was? That would be for you? You see, it was different than you might think yourself. *He* was scared, *he* was uninitiated, *he* was not prepared. Hell, I could've sworn he was shaking. It was so... damn awkward to see someone like your idol do that. And now I've realized why. To be honest, I was expecting something extraordinary... something insanely different. I had some preconception in my head that it would be a step above, like not quite human.
No, what I found was different. Instead, I found a very down-to-earth human being with all the passions, fears, and quirks of any one of the 6.3 million people on the same planet. I didn't understand it then, but he was just... normal. Insanely normal. Later I would realize that because I listened to his music, because I was a fanatic, because he was my hero, the situation turned him into some sort of extraordinary being. The *situation* had warped my views of him. And for the first amazingly awkward first moments, I failed to see this. They started playing music though, and somehow the notion of this started coming to me. He *wasn't* the perfect all-powerful über-musician, he was just a normal guy with a guitar and mic in front of him. But the situation which was created before had just then played a trick on me, and I started to see differently.
Of course, having him sign signatures after the show was probably not the best way to continue this revelation. I still feel quite embarassed of it, he himself didn't appear to want to sign things. But then it hit me harder: he was a normal person, not a mindless pop star who loved the limelight. He didn't want to sign because he didn't feel the rock star mentality, because he was just a normal person! The fact that he had just played for an audience, a devoted one at that made him once again the object of the situation.
Some time after that, we all went to dinner. That was the kicker. It was totally and utterly insightful to every single person there. You can learn an encyclopedia's worth of information sitting down with somebody and chatting with them while you wait for your food. It's a different mentality really, psychologically almost everyone is equal, because you're all sitting at a table (He was sitting at the head, of course -_-). The fact that you would be standing in front of a person and you both know that the situation created puts you miles away from each other is taken out at a dinner table. At the table, everyone becomes startlingly human, for they all come to eat food. It's so amazingly simple, yet it takes down any socialogical 'walls' created before. And so we chatted.
I don't know how or what I would do if I knew I could have never experienced that, to never go on that trip, more like that pit stop in learning life. It was so... different, and yet so similar. It was impossible to describe. And now I am changed because of that. I have been exposed to more knowledge that I could ever ask for from a 'normal' day, and can appreciate life that much more.
I am changed because of this, and my only wish that it's for the better.