I won't be back for 10 days (that means Thursday 30 June).
...
Bye.
Don't forget to feed the cat.
Be good...
...
Wait... we have a cat?
Huw's Bedroom, HUW FEDERATION – The Minister of Foreign Affairs today announced his intention to resign, quoting an ultimatum delivered by Parliament to either quit or face a vote-of-no-confidence. The ultimatum was delivered in a huff on Tuesday following the Minister's use of Public funding to bet the Michaela Empire that she would not jump in that puddle.
The Minister said in his speech "I feel that my professional pride has been hurt. I should never have bet that money. I am now the laughing stock of the entire globe."
Witness to the event was Minister of Education The Rgt Hon Jonathan Merrols, of the Mark Confederacy. When questioned by a Senate committee on Monday, the minister screamed loudly and began reciting names and addresses of people who also used the stuff.
When approached by the Huw News Commission earlier today, Queen Michaela of the Michaela Empire just smiled and giggled to herself saying only "I can't believe he did that... oh man...I rule"
Parliament has not yet made any indication as to who it will select as the new Minister of Foreign Affairs. The Prime Minister said that he will not appoint either Big Ted or Bluey the Dog.
In other news, the population problem is continuing unabated, and cuddly toys are still allowed to run for positions in senior government.
Kelly Doyle writes:
Dear Ada,
I was wondering, what is your favourite smell in the whole world. I
know dogs are big on smells, and this question has intrigued me for
some time.
much <3,
Jshei, aka Kelly.
much is less than 3, eh, Kelly. That's amazing.
Anyway, my favourite smell would have to be fresh laundry. Seriously, I can't get enough of that freshly ironed smell. It reminds me of winter; nothing beats warmly curling up with a good book (I know, I know) in my bean bag. You know the smell. It's the smell you get when you are doing the ironing... That steamy clothes smell...
You are right that dogs are big on smells. We have big noses, you know. Noses are the things that are on the front of our faces.
Humans have them, too, I believe... but I am thinking that they may not actually work, otherwise they'd shower a hell of a lot more. They may be defunct and not actually do anything... I think they mostly serve cosmetic purposes now.
These are a list of what they are actually for:
- Strange café-culture women with odd hair do's like to say "kissy kissy" as a kind of primitive greeting. They then proceed to pretend to, but not actually, kiss each other's cheeks. This may be a repressed form of sniffing each other's 'scent glands'.
- Making irritating noises in the cold. I propose this question to whoever designed Human noses: what the hell is the point of giving them noses if all they are going to do is just block up? Good god, man... Everyone knows that superior dog noses don't clog up and we don't sniffle and snort as much...
- Having something to hold up those odd pieces of glass they sometimes have on their eyes. Weird things, them... They must be some kind of X-ray vision.
- Speaking of X-rays, what the hell are they? I heard them on TV before... They must be good. I shall have to write down on my to do list: Get me some of them X-rays.
- Hang on, I'll have to get a to do list first... that'll be my first to do item.
Anyway, I hope that answers your question, and a few others you didn't ask because you were distracted by your inferior Human nose.
- Her Royal Highness Dr Dame Lady Ada Rowlands QC BSc (Australia, Canada) SSc (Australia) FN FAF FAS KO KOD MP (Federal), Duchess of Backyard
This is the 25th entry. As such, I will attempt to answer some of your questions about Huw. Look, I know that I said I'd never do any Huw-event stuff back in entry #1, but this is allowed. It's Huw-central (concerning Huw), but not Huw-event (concerning what Huw did today, BORING!).
----
Q: How come you have long hair? What the hell is with that?
A: Well, for a start. It is partly because I feel like it, and partly it is because I like it.
Q: But I think it sucks!
A: Notice you weren't in the above response.
Q: Is it a rebelious thing, too?
A: If you like.
Q: So I if I grew my hair long would you cut yours? Is that all I have to do? I could make you fashionable by sacrificing myself. But what a small price to pay!
A: Is that your plan, is it? Well, it's not going to work.
Q: Drat. What if I grew a beard?
A: No, that wouldn't work either. I'd probably just keep doing my thing.
Q: So... up for some pancakes?
A: Sure!
----
Q: Can you show me the way to the bus stop?
A: Sure. Just go up the road, then turn left at the end of a big sign saying "death pit".
Q: ...
A: Ur... yeah... Ignore it.
Q: I think I'll ask someone else.
A: I'm so alone...
----
Q: Hi!
A: Hi!
Q: How are you?
A: Good, good...
Q: Excellent...
A: So... did you want to ask me a question?
Q: No... everything has pretty much been covered already.\
A: Ah, excellent.
Q: Yeah...
A: So... what are you wearing?
Michael (Tandy) writes:
Hi Huw and Ada
Just wanted to know if dogs have pockets (or doggy pockets)...
Doggy pockets would be really useful. Dogs could keep bones and all sorts of toys in them...like bouncy balls.
There wouldn't be any need to dig up the back garden (or the front one) any more.
On the post about Star Trek, I think a Star Wars world would would be great. Learning how to use a Light-sabre and the Force.
Another down side of this would be the attempts at Galaxy wide domination.
Have fun Huw (and Ada), hope you find your perfect mug soon
Michael (Tandy)
Talk about one hundred and one paragraphs... Anyway, I think the useful parts of this email can be boiled down to the bit about dog pockets.
Well, Michael (Tandy) raises a very interesting question. Contrary to popular belief, not many dogs actually have pockets. In fact, Michael (Tandy), I don't think any dogs have pockets...
Like... None of them... Zip... That's it...
...
So... is anyone up for some... pancakes?
I'm so alone...
- Her Majesty Ada, Queen of Backyard, Duchess of Laundry.
PS. Well... I think I can milk that email a little more. There was a bit there about Michael (Tandy) hoping that I find the perfect mug. I haven't found the perfect mug yet. In fact, none of the mugs in my house feed me... No matter how cute I look, they never give in... I'll have to train them a little bit more.
Just shut up already!
Anyway, I'm now wondering what the situation is for my computer next year. According to my parents, I'm getting a computer for my 18th birthday. I am very much hoping they'll have the first Mactel out by then, and I am also hoping that it is the high-end flagship model.
That way I'll have to get it... It doesn't make sense to buy a PPC-based Macintosh at the moment until they switch. I'm very concerned that Apple has shot itself in the foot by not releasing Intel Macs sooner... I'm also very concerned that Apple is going to make it difficult for me to buy a Macintosh when my birthday comes around.
Anyway, it's a pity about the Mac Shuffle™. I really wanted one of those... Imagine a cluster of Mac Shuffles™!
Email my dog: huw.rowlands@gmail.com
With all these crazy reports about Apple switching to Intel and so forth, I say it's about time that we settled down at gone one thing straight: I'm right. Look, Apple isn't going to release Mac OS X for PC, and isn't going to announce Intel is giving them their chips now (PPC or otherwise).
Nor is Apple going to announce a midget powered PowerMac, and Senior Vice President of Worldwide Marketing Phil Schiller is not going to give away free ponies.
Now, let's just settle down and think about this logically. Are you sitting comfortably? Good.
Let's examine what Apple has already released. They released the Mac, then they released the iPod. Then they made the iPod mini, and then the Mac mini followed suit. Since they just released the iPod Shuffle, it only makes sense that they're going to release the Mac Shuffle™.
The Mac Shuffle™ will be screenless, tiny, and portable. More importantly, it'll come with a very unconventional feature. Apple market researchers gathered statistics on what programs people like to run and at what time. The results of that experiment will amaze you. People don't have any pattern to what programs and documents they open at what time. So, naturally, life is random. The Mac Shuffle™ will run random applications and open random documents, and you switch between them by using an arrow key located on the front of the machine.
Anyway, that's my rumour debunking.
Email Ada already. Jeez. She's been whining about how no one loves her.