Not necessarily plain knowing how to spell the words you write, but the laziness in not spelling them correctly when you know perfectly well how to, is what I'm getting at here. The obvious example is the 14 year old teenaged girl talking to her 14 year old teenaged boyfriend on, say, MSN Messenger. Their conversation may go a little like this:
lustybabe_3005_underscore_hot says: "u r 2 hot! lol!"
Quotes From Songs In My MSN Name Make Me Hot, Baby, Yeah, Oooh, Yeah says: "lol! thx u 2, babe!"
lustybabe_3005_underscore_hot says: "lmao!1 wan 2 met up/ i wana meet u!1"
Quotes From Songs In My MSN Name Make Me Hot, Baby, Yeah, Oooh, Yeah says: "lol! thx u 2, babe!"
lustybabe_3005_underscore_hot says: "lmao!1 @ da food cort1 c u l8r!!1"
Quotes From Songs In My MSN Name Make Me Hot, Baby, Yeah, Oooh, Yeah says: "lol! thx u 2, babe!"
Now, any rational human being reading this sort of thing who was not part of the select club of MSN 14 year old teenagers and they boyfriends would think along the same lines. Yes, that's right; they'd think "Just what the hell are the blithering idiots going on about?" Well, apparently these two delinquents just organised a meeting at the local shopping centre at 2 PM tomorrow, just next to the the Chinese place, please bring $20 and no touching this time, Brad.
No, I lie. These two just maybe organised to go to "da food cort" sometime... no idea when... they really didn't specify.
They did, however, specify to each other that they are too hot... too hot by what standard? I don't know. Perhaps they're getting heatstroke, perhaps they are just sitting in a room with the heaters on too much, perhaps they are 3 times as sexy as recommended by the world health organisation.
So, really, they said nothing that wasn't just ambiguous. Maybe they'll meet sometime was the gist of that conversation.
Two rational people could have specified this like such:
Rational Person #1 says: "We will meet sometime. Maybe at the food court. You are also three times as sexy as recommended by the world health organisation."
Quotes From Songs In My MSN Name Make Me Hot, Baby, Yeah, Oooh, Yeah says: "lol! thx u 2, babe!"
See how much easier that one was? The second character didn't even need to say anything aside from an acknowledgement.
So if you can spell, please bloody well do it. It's not hard. It's not painful. It's only two more characters for "you" than "u".
Oh, and whoever owns the red Ford Falcon with the registration number YXW-67T, you are parked on a puppy.
"I am an absolute monarch... Danelle is a serf. You can quote me on that... I'm not afraid." (Mike Gannon, 1960-2005)
DESK: Huw Federation: The Absolute Monarchess Emperor Dictator Reigning Of An Anarchy Government Who Believes In Communism, But Supports A Capitalist Society As Long As There Is A Constitution Stating That Everyone Has A Say As Long As Nobody Listens of Kimia, Kim Hare today condemned the Huw News Commission for an error made in a previous report on the Dogs vs Cats protests. The report stated that protests occurred in the city "Soggy Towel Country". However, the correct name for the city is "Greasy Penguin Land".
In an online conference with the Federation Prime Minister, Her Majesty said "what about........YOUR A BLOODY SOGGY TOWEL IN YOUR PANTS"[sic].
In view of several journalists, Ms Hare stated "Yes... You are alas a slightly off pink, cone shaped zucchini that has been cooked in the mocrowave for exactly 3.45.76 minutes and eaten... By me... With green tomato sauce and orange vinegar."
The Prime Minister responded by raising an eyebrow and leaving the room, claiming he had to go and pick the kids up from soccer.
Much of this afternoon's parliament sitting was given to members discussing Ms Hare. At 4 PM this afternoon parliament passed a resolution titled the "Kim Is A Tomato Act". The resolution passed 256 for, 0 against.
If you were to drive at a constant speed of 100 Km/h (62.13 M/h) to the other side of the earth with a DVD (4.7 GB) in your boot, you'd get the DVD there faster than if you transferred the DVD with a 56 Kb/s modem by about 15 minutes.
If you were to drive at a constant speed of 100 Km/h (62.13 M/h) to anywhere 700 Km (435.95 M) away with a DVD in your boot, you'd get the DVD there about the same time as if you transferred the DVD with a T1-speed connection.
You could walk (6 Km/h, 3.72 M/h) anywhere within a 42 Km (26.1 M) radius and beat the 1.5 Mb/s connection at transferring a DVD.
For a DVD travelling in a car to beat a DVD being transferred by a 1.5 Mb/s connection to a computer on the other side of the world, the car would need to be travelling at 2675 Km/h (1662 M/h)
A 605.29 Gb/s connection would be required to transfer a DVD to the other side of the planet faster than a space ship going at the speed of light could.
A thousand million 10 gigabit fibre connections (10 exabit, 10^18 b/s) in parallel transferring a DVD a few metres away would be unbeatable by its physically moving counterpart.
A DVD travelling by a gigabit connection to a machine 1 metre (3.3 feet) away, may as well be travelling at 0.0248 m/s, or 8.92 metres/h (0.055 M/h).
It's faster to walk than use a gigabit connection if the target machine is within 60.7 m (199.2 feet).
You could also take two DVDs with you.
That's right, ladies and gentlemen! I have gone all hippie on you and released my DNA under a BSD-like licence. Why BSD? Well, mainly because I enjoy pissing off the GPL-guys...
So if you want to get a copy of my DNA please write to this address and a sample of hair will be rushed to you immediately:
Huw's Awesome Mansion
1 Dogsarebetterthancats Rd
Funland
Here is the address if to sent complaints to:
Steelix's House
45 Iamasoftmonkey Av
Suckville
This is a certainty. The rumour sites haven't put this up yet, but my inside sources... okay, so it's more like a source... or just my speculation...
But it's very reliable.
Apple is releasing a free pony to everyone. No kidding. Apparently, it's been a dream of Steve Jobs' since he first got selling Macintoshes in 1984. Smashing, eh?
Well, these ponies will be brown or black, depending on the user's preference and optionally come with a lifetime warranty. Lifetime of the pony, that is. Unless the pony arrives dead... But I don't know if that would happen. They're giving them a straw before they wrap them up in bubble wrap and put them in a box.
For a limited time only the free ponies will also come with a free dead Scotsman... although they won't advertise this... it's bad for business.
And apparently with every third purchase more expensive than the entry level iMac, Apple will give you the Pacific Highway!
But that's not all! You will also receive a free subscription to Rulers Monthly, a fully motorised pig, an amusing photo of a man in a duck costume, a killer virus and a small (1g) sample of Potassium.
It's free, kids.
#include <stdio.h>
int main()
{
while(1)
printf("Me so horny!\n");
return(0);
}
HUW'S BEDROOM, Huw Federation: At around 3 PM FST on Friday 12 August, a woman unexpectedly became German on a train leaving Desk early Friday afternoon. The woman was killed and 3 witnesses were injured in the blast.
The woman was Ms Justine Marse, who had been living in North Bedroom for the last 6 months. The witnesses were Mr Alex D'mick, Mrs Diana Comck and Mr George Pomo.
All four were nationals of the same country, Noackania. The fact that their names spell rude words without the M is purely coincidence, according to a Noackania embassy spokesperson.
The witnesses were all taken to hospital were they were treated and are reportedly recovering.
In other news, a small pinkish tube of foul-smelling ointment has been found in the Minister for Education's pocket. The minister denies ownership.
Since this is such a special occasion, I think I should do something special. That is,
I think I should perform some tricks for my... urm... fans... to... urm... remember me by.
So, without further delay, I shall perform the following amazing stunts:
A hand-stand:
...
A double back flip:
...
Balancing on a high rope:
...
Rewriting Shakespeare to make it really good:
...
Eating my own brains:
...
urrrkkkfdsss:
...
dsaasssssdddddrrrrrgggggghhhh!
HUW'S BEDROOM, Huw Federation: The results of an upper house inquiry released yesterday has been cited by representatives of the Michaela Empire as the cause of escalated altercations between the Huw Federation and The Empire. The inquiry, performed by the Hon. Mr Clyde Redman, concluded that dogs were better than cats.
However, the Michaelan Government took exception to the results claiming in a statement that the inquiry "was not performed in the democratic manner we have come to expect of the civilised world." The statement also questioned Mr Redman's position, claiming that it was biased.
The Federation Government responded to these claims early this morning, insisting that the only reason the inquiry was launched in the first place was to give Mr Redman something to do and to keep him out of everyone else's hair.
When questioned by the Huw News Commission, Mr Redman responded by placing his tongue in between his lips and blowing a loud raspberry, covering several journalists in a fine mist.
While being interviewed on the Huw Broadcasting Corporation's television programme Evening, Mr Redman stated "Well, if they like cats then... then... then... they... urrr... they suck!" before the interview was suspended.
Protests ensues
Protests took place in many capital cities following the release of the upper house inquiry that concluded dogs to be better than cats. The largest protests in terms of numbers took place in Michaelinia of the Michaela Empire, Michael City of Tandyland and Soggy-Towel-Country of Kimia.
Several arrests have been made and no injuries or rioting has been reported.
Although admitting to being indifferent to the topic, the Minister of Foreign Affairs announced that the government has taken up a position against the inquiry.
The Minister of Foreign Affairs also asked if anyone could pass him the potatoes. No responses were made to his request.
My good friend Jacobius Steelixius writes:
Dear Ada,
I was
wondering what
you thought about
those cheap mugs
you get in deli's
and stuff that say
"Best [thing] in the world"
because you said you didn't
have any mugs that feed you
and maybe they would feed you
Regards,
yours faithfully,
truly,
yeah,
one for good measure,
Jacobius Steelixius
Now, it's important to answer emails in a culturally sensitive manner. For instance, those Steexlians like to put in them there carriage returns like they just grow on trees.
My good friend Jacobius has since become the emperor of the Steelixian Empire, I believe.
Amazing, really.
I can't believe I got an email from an emperor.
Oh, man...
Anyway, what I don't know what a deli is... I think it's in India... But those mugs? Well, I don't know much about them, either. My mugs usually just say things like "come" and "sit". I do it for them so that they can feed me.
Seriously, kids. Do what your parents say, they give you stuff.
Anyway,
Peace out.
...
Who the hell actually says Peace out? Man, what a dorky thing to say.
Yours,
Truly,
Sincerely,
How many do I need to do?
Forever,
Frenchishly,
Swan-likely,
Your friend,
Ada
HUW'S BEDROOM, Huw Federation - An inquiry launched by federal parliament in order to solve the age old question of which was better, dogs or cats, has ruled that dogs are better.
The inquiry was launched in the upper house 3 weeks ago after the dogs against cat debate was deemed to be holding up more the important issues to be discussed by Parliament. In charge of the inquiry was the Hon. Mr Clyde Redman who has run several inquiries before. According to Mr Redman, he was selected by Parliament for the sole reason that he looks good in those suits they get to wear on an inquiry board.
Mr Redman stated in his report that dogs were better than cats for three major reasons. The first was because Mr Redman owned a dog himself, the second was because he was allergic to cats, and the third was because a man dressed in a cat suit offering coupons outside a Thrift-store gave him a bunk coupon when he was very small.
From the report, "Dogs are just soooo [sic] much better than cats anyday, man. Just look at that. The word 'cats' doesn't even deserve to be capitalised! ...
"... Has a man in a Dog-suit ever given you a bunk coupon outside a Thrift-store? No! I didn't think so! Hah!"
The report has been condemned by cat-lovers all over the Federation. The Federation Cat-Lovers Association today announced that they will be protesting in numbers next week. All 0 of them.
In other news, the Prime Minister has announced that he is tired and wants to go to bed, but is upset that no one will bring him his warm milk, and he can't sleep without his warm milk.
Or so I have been told.
Anyway, I have noticed a huge drop in the number of comments being left. Either this is because there has been a huge drop in the AwesomeFactor™ of my posts (that reached a 3 month low with Robert the Frenchman—what was I thinking?) or people are just too blown away to leave comments.
Look, I know you are blown away, but please leave comments or I will be forced to *gasp* make political commentary. Damn.
So anyway, what the hell is the point of this post? I don't know, either. But I think it may as well just be something that I find in my hard drive and post for funs.
...
Actually, no...
Instead I shall point to you my old website which, to my thorough amusement still exists. Here! My favourite is the B&B movies section.