From this article:
It may be the oddest tale to emerge from the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina. Armed dolphins, trained by the US military to shoot terrorists and pinpoint spies underwater, may be missing in the Gulf of Mexico.
I have two words to say to the US navy about this:
Good gravy.
What were you thinking, guys? Now when I go out for a nice peaceful play in the surf, I have to be seriously concerned about Free Willie biting me on mine.
Okay, so Free Willie was a whale, but the point remains the same. They had a whole crack team of highly expensive, highly trained commando dolphins that are trained to kill, and they lost them. What's more, they lost them in a place where dolphins hang out peacefully on a regular basis.
I have heard of crack teams of commando dolphins being trained by the US navy before, but I always dismissed the idea. I didn't think it false because it's kind of cruel, but it's just plain old stupid.
I hope that these dolphins aren't migratory...
Tandy's 18th birthday party was awesome. The idea was that we were supposed to all go out to some pizza place, eat pizza, pat Tandy on the back for turning 18, run around like lunatics, then go home.
However, much much more happened.
The first amazing event was Ben being hit by a car. We were all so shocked when it happened. We just stood there. Everyone let out a silent cheer (?) when Ben staggered to his feet, though. Then he landed his fist right in the car's face. A bar fight followed of epic proportions. Both Ben and the car were expelled from the restaurant for fighting. We were about to get up and follow him out to watch the fight continue, but the car freaked out and ran off. Ben left our sight for a moment before returning to the restaurant and gaining access disguised as a Swedish exchange student named "Scoldav Scorninaak".
This is when Valese found £4 sticky taped to the bottom of a seat. It was quite a discovery. I don't know what she was looking under that seat for in the first place, though. We all looked under our other seats. No one found anything. Well, no one found anything pleasant anyway. Valese cashed it in for about $9.40.
Michelle ate something weird for money. She ate some black stuff David gave her for $9.40. Unbeknownst to her, it was actually cake. The fact that we paid her to eat something delicious that we paid for was somewhat demonstrative of our lack of thought that went into the prank. The black stuff didn't even look weird... it looked like a cake mushed up a bit... Michelle even saw us mush up the cake...
And screaming "cowabunga dude" at the top of your lungs at some old guy while going 120 in a 80 zone is not a good idea. It really isn't a good idea. That is the reason why we didn't do it. Mark was going to do it. He really was. It took two men to hold him down. The guy was determined. We calmed the man down so we could rationalise with him, but he was still convinced. Finally, the only way we could convince him was to drop a bucket of badly formed jelly from the top level of the car park in Woden and watch as it smooshed against the ground.
Oh, and I found 5 cents! So, if you were in Woden the other day and lost 5 cents, give me a call.
Apple CEO Steve Jobs announced this week that there would be no Steve Jobs keynote at MacWorld Paris this week. If this were true, this would mean that there would be no apple products released. However, The huwr Factor sources (all 0 of them) have come up with some amazing details.
Steve Jobs will be attending to Keynote, but only after someone else is announced first. According to the sources, Steve Jobs will burst through the projector screen at the back of the stage wearing jeans and no shirt, flexing his mighty Apple muscles and revealing a naughtily placed tattoo over his right nipple, much to the delight of all his lady fans.
However, since the move is risky, Apple has come up with a plan to blame it all on a "Wardrobe Malfunction".
That reminds me, Apple is also planning to rid the world of wardrobe malfunctions for ever by releasing new rock-sold wardrobe drivers into the kernel of Mac OS X v10.5 Leopard. This is planned to rival Microsoft's Windows Vistas complete lack of wardrobe drivers.
Todays Math exam has turned out to be not actually as bad as it sounded/s. I thought I had no chance at all, but it turns out that I had the capability to do all of the questions there.
I finished half an hour early. Then I spent some time to draw a rather nice boat on the desk. I didn't finish it. I wrote underneath it "Cap'n! There is a half drawn boat on the horizon, sir! 3 points off the starboard bow!"
Then I realised I'd missed a question that I was perfectly capable of doing. This was when I had 5 minutes left. I frantically began scrawling up a new sheet of paper with my name, the date, the teacher's name, then erased the teacher's badly spelt name, then wrote it again, erased the badly spelt name again, tore my paper with the eraser, picked up a new one, wrote it all out again (slowly this time, breath... breath...).
I started on the right track. I knew I could do it, but I ran out of time. Damn that teacher and her hard to spell name!
So I'd give the exam two thumbs up if it weren't for that. Instead, I'm giving it one thumb and a forefinger up. David gave it four thumbs up (Dave's actually a dog). Michelle gave worst rating on the body-parts-up-and-down-scale; she gave it two thumbs, a leg, a nose, an earlobe and half a strand of hair down. Whoa... Harsh.
In other news I think I might be ready to begin my training as a tribal warrior. I've found this great website. Apparently, to start the training I have to go to the formal with a guy. Crap! Wilson it is... Incidentally, I haven't told him that I was not going to the formal with him. I was too scared. You don't want to piss off Wilson... Dude's a cannibal.
Please comment... And if you are going to correct my spelling, leave your name, Coward. 220.240.252.174, I'm talking to you, tiger!
WETDOGVILLE, Kimia: Leaders of the leading economic nations in the region have attended a 2 day summit in Wetdogville this weekend. The summit was called by the Kimian Government in order to discuss what it called "big, grown-up stuff". The summit was attended by officials from the Huw Federation, Tandyland, Noackania, the Michaela Empire, the Mark Confederacy, the Republic of Michelle, Valese Union and Ben.
Very little of what is being discussed has been released to the public. The only official attendant to have said anything so far has been Ben:
"They won't let me in," he said.
"No, seriously. I was out here talking to Valese and Mark, but then they all went into the building and closed the door before me.
"I don't get it... It's cold out here... I'm seriously going to just go home if they don't let me in..."
The summit is expected to be completed on Monday, 19 September 2005, or earlier, depending on when they get hungry.
I've been doing this for a little over six months now.
Maybe six and a half.
You people better appreciate it...
*sniff*
DESK, Huw Federation: Nothing happened today. Absolutely nothing. According to the UN Security Council, a bird broke wind in an apartment store in central Michael City, Tandyland. However, an amendment to the Council's report states that the bird was lying.
According to the Federation Bureau of Statistics, this has been the dullest day in a string of 4 days. The most exciting thing that has happened during this time was a man in Tull Street who had thought for a moment that he had been given the wrong amount of change by a shop assistant when he purchased a bag of jelly beans. The second most exciting thing that has happened was a man purchasing a bag of jelly beans on Tull Street.
No one has died in the last 4 days, either, according to the Bureau of Statistics. Apparently, someone got close but then realised that he had in fact been given the right amount of change.
The total amount of change to be given in the last 4 days was 304 644.55 Federation Pounds, or, in an odd coincidence, precisely 1 Michaela Empire Dollar.
Other statistics to come out of the Bureau of Statistics this week included the total distance that the entirety of Parliament has walked in the last month the total number of Es in the Federation Library and how many licks it takes to get to the centre of a Mars Bar.
I'm doing it.
Man, there was a funny British bloke for our supervisor. He was like some kind of world war II veteran. He made me giggle during the test... I blame him for the rude glare I got from that weird girl who sat across from me. That girl scares me. She's, like, a cannibal, or something. I didn't want to upset her.
Oh, and some of you might have been aware that I was going to the formal with Wilson... I don't think I'll be doing that anymore, I think he might be gay.
No, seriously. I'm not going with Wilson.
And stop looking at me like that.
No, you can't have any ice cream... eat your vegetables. Damned lucky you have anything at all!
I'm ``impressed'' with the number of people who are hanging around in the school car park driving their cars around too fast, cutting corners, pretending to run people over, beeping their horns to someone on the other side of the car park, et cetera. To those who do that, I say this: not smart, Tiger. If Tiger wants to be taken seriously by the local government and convince them to give more car parking spaces, that is not the way to do it. The cornerstone of the SRC's argument for parking spaces is that the students need to use their cars to get to school every day. If Tiger just mucks around making it look like he/she (no, girls, it is certainly not restricted to guys) is using the cars as toys, it does not look good. Tiger would want to uphold a professional, mature manner of driving when in the car park. Tiger should keep this in mind when he is accelerating past a bunch of kids walking home, or when she beeps her horn, waves and yells to friends on the other side of the car park.
That said, a great deal of people realise this, or just drive sensibly anyway. Tiger is ruining those people's chances of parking spaces for everyone else.
DESK, Huw Federation: Delays in pedestrian traffic were caused in south Desk today as a Federal Emergency Services rescue team struggled to free a man who had a rabbit caught in his pants. Neither the man nor the rabbit were injured.
The rabbit apparently got stuck there while looking for its mother in the crowded streets. National Parks and Wildlife services vet John Murries said: "It was probably frightened and lost. It must have just been looking for shelter, too.
"Not to mention, the poor thing was probably cold. It's warm inside pants. That's why I wear them every day! Mmmm..."
Federal Emergency Services took 3 hours to free the man and the rabbit. The rabbit has since been reunited with its mother who was located at a local park feeding birds.
In other news, the Prime Minister has released his new album "Back To The Groove" in which contains the remixed version of his earlier song "The Roads and Railways Act 1999".