Comments are stuffed at the moment. I've emailed the admin. He should fix it some day.
DESK, Huw Federation: Police have begun an investigation into the discovery of a dead body in a ditch on a South Wardrobe farm. The man, described as in his 60s, fat and jolly, was discovered early this morning.
`We'd think he was a local drunk if somebody could say they'd seen him before,' said Police Investigator Richard Humphrey. `So far we know that he was in an intoxicated state when he fell into the ditch. He must have fallen on his face and suffocated.
`Don't ask how we know he's jolly.'
He was wearing red pants, a red coat with fluffy white lining and a red hat with a white pom-pom on the end. Anyone with information on the identity of the man should contact Police or leave a comment in the comments section.
DESK, Huw Federation: An international summit of doctors and biologists have met at the University of Desk today in order to discuss what may become a pandemic disease. The disease, commonly named `Tree Flu', has destroyed many crops of trees in Kimia, the Michaela Empire and Valese Union. The estimated cost of the damage is £3.49 (Federation Pounds), about the same cost of a Tootsie Pop.
`Our biggest concern is of the disease mutating and infecting humans,' says biologist John Southman of the Valese Union. `So far, only a few humans have been infected by the disease and there have been no deaths.
`The symptoms in humans are remarkably similar to the symptoms in trees. Anyone experiencing flaky bark, brown leaves or an over-zealous flowering should contact a doctor immediately.'
There have been no reported cases of Tree Flu in the Federation.
`The disease may not spread easily to humans, but is easily transferrable between trees,' explains biology researcher at Queen's College, Michaela Empire, Prof. Timothy Neville. `The biggest risk of spreading is, of course, if the trees are migratory.'
In other news, a cat has been found on the corner of Leed Street, Wardrobingham, that claims that nothing is true. However, the cat was found to be lying.
I'll show all of you games (aka. `sages' (aka. `fat Lord of the Rings nerds')). Grab your 10 button mice and cower in fear!
So you think your 10 button mice (yeah, it's `mice' not `mouses', you dorks) are tough? Wait and see my 111 button mouse...
heh heh heh...
Our UAIs come out tomorrow. It is their Universities Admission Index. A number up to 100 that universities use to accept only the best students into their courses. The higher the UAI required by the course, the more exclusive the course. These UAIs are the measure of men. It is a single indication of a person's worth as a student. The larger the UAI are, the larger the... well... you know...
What?
I was talking about the chance of entering university.
Sheesh. You're sick.
All I can say is this: you better get about 99 or you won't be accepted into your Bachelor of Über-Philosophical Mathematical Scientific Engineering Law. If you don't get that, then there is only one other path for you life: eternal damnation to the streets as a bum.
Heaven forbid you do a basic ordinary regular engineering degree (BORED) or a bachelor of science degree (BS degree).
All I have to say about Cronulla is this:
Grow up. Sheesh.
Hundreds of drunken `Aussies', but I'm calling them `Beach Nazis', have been running up and down the coasts of Sydney wailing, screaming and kicking like a 3 year old about some matter nobody actually cares about.
Looks like somebody needs a nap.
What I found particularly hilarious and outlying of the stupidity of the Beach Nazis is the way they were saying `It's our beach. Wogs go away', or words to that effect.
Well, it's not exactly your beach, either, is it, Mr Europe? Weren't the Aborigines here a long time before you came over with your foxes, cats and high rise bargain apartment buildings? Yes, is the answer you're looking for. It's their beach, really, but you don't see them drunkenly mobbing around like a toddler every time one of their number get bashed.
What does make you Australian? I'll tell you how I know I'm Australian. I was born here. That is the single and only factor to my nationality.
Now go to bed!
I just spent 4 days (5?) hiking in the Snowy Mountains. Yes, I know they aren't in Victoria. I went with the crew from my school doing the Duke of Edinburgh awards.
I was disappointed that the Duke of Edinburgh didn't tag along. That would have rocked if he did. He and I would be all like `chillin'' and the like, or whatever the devil it is you kids do these days.
It was great fun anyway. We stayed in tents, huts and rat infested wind-shields.
I was impressed by how much I didn't get hurt. A lot of people did get injuries. People got things like blisters and one poor girl got sick in the stomach, but we all got through it because we're manly. (I know. Yes...)
I'm running out of things to say. I need a recharge. You guys should start pulling your weight around here. Sheesh... (leave a constructive comment.)
Everyone should add themselves to this Frappr: link!
It makes bath-time fun!
DESK, Huw Federation: Environmentalists have called out for the Government to do more to help prevent global warming after 3 days and 3 nights of baked beans falling from the sky. In some parts, as much as 200 mm of baked beans have been observed.
Researchers from the University of Desk claim that the freak weather is caused by global warming.
`An excess of carbon dioxide in the atmosphere has caused there to be too much... urm... beanite in the atmosphere,' explains professor of IT, Prof. John Titor. `When there is too much beanite, it has to go somewhere. That somewhere is down.
`Why the hell are you asking me, anyway? I'm professor of IT... Gosh!'
Several environmentalist lobby groups have argued that the Federal Government should do more to lower the Huw Federation's greenhouse gas output. However, the Prime Minister was not available for comment, claiming that if anyone got any closer he'd rip the head off of Mr Gubblies, his personal assistant and sock puppet.
The Prime Minister was later shot with a tranquilliser gun and taken to the vet, whereupon it was discovered that the source of his distemper was his appendix, that had become infected and nearly burst.
Well... civil unions, but they are the same thing, really.
Check it out: link!
I don't care what anybody says about him, Jon Stanhope is a star. If stars were people, he'd be China... That didn't even make sense, but you get the point. And shut up about car parking spaces. Learn to walk. Gawd...
(I am so going to get flamed for that last comment, aren't I?)