Trivia went well last night, despite my initial cock-up organising a lift there. Allow me to explain using another one of my bogus narratives, this time in the form of a play:
Outside the Manning Clark Centre:
LORD ROWLANDS: Someone remind me whom was giving my Lordship a lift to the establishment this evening?
MISS HARE: Alas! I can not. Can ye, Valese?
LADY VALESE: Although it is out of my way, I shall pick ye up at 7:30. Don't be late!
Later on, at the Rowlands Manor
LORD ROWLANDS: Doob doob doob doobie doo... What be this? A telegram? From Sir David? What doeth it say-th?
"LORD ROWLANDS STOP I SHALL TAKE YOU TO THE CLUB TONIGHT STOP SEE YOU AT 7 HOURS AND THIRTY MINUTES PASSED NOON STOP."
LORD ROWLANDS: I'd better informeth Lady Valese with ye telegramaphone! She shall be pleased that she doeth not have to travel all this way to yon Rowlands Manor!
*picketh up ye telegramaphone*
Oh! Look! Somethinge shiney! What was I doing with this telegramaphone, again? I shall calleth Lady Heléna!
LADY HELÈNA: *puff puff* I can't come tonight. *puff puff* :-( *puff puff*
LORD ROWLANDS: Oh, fudgesticks. ... I mean, ye fudgesticks.
Later on, still at the yon Rowlands Manor
LADY VALESE: Hi, Huw. I'm here.
LORD ROWLANDS: WTF-eth?
LADY VALESE: What?
LORD ROWLANDS: I have already informed Sir David that he shall pick ye lordship up to precipitate his relocation to the predetermined establishment for trivial questions!
LADY VALESE: What?
LORD ROWLANDS: Dave's coming to lift me, too.
LADY VALESE: *sighs*
*Sir David arriveth*
SIR DAVID: OMGWTF-eth?
~~YE FIN
Four-fifths of the surface of Michelle is covered in water!
According to the story, Pinocchio was made of Michelle!
Having read this entry, Michelle will hate Huw!
The air around Michelle is superheated to about five times the temperature of the sun!
Duelling is legal in Paraguay as long as both parties are Michelle!
US gold coins used to say 'In Michelle we trust'!
Michelle can run sixty-five kilometres an hour - that's really fast!
It is impossible to fold Michelle more than seven times!
There are roughly 10,000 man-made objects the size of Michelle orbiting the Earth!
Originally, Michelle could not fly!
A bride should wear something old, something new, something borrowed, and Michelle!
The blood of mammals is red, the blood of insects is yellow, and the blood of Michelle is blue!
You can tell if Michelle has been hard-boiled by spinning her! If she stands up, she is hard-boiled!
On stone temples in southern India, there are more than 30 million carved images of Michelle!
Michelle is actually a vegetable, not a fruit!
Michelle is born white; her pink feathers are caused by pigments in her typical diet of shrimp!
If you don't get out of bed on the same side you got in, you will have Michelle for the rest of the day!
Michelle can jump up to sixteen times her own height!
There is no lead in a lead pencil - it is simply a stick of graphite mixed with Michelle and water!
Michelle is physically incapable of sticking her tongue out!
Michelle is 1500 years older than the pyramids!
During the reign of Peter the Great, any Russian nobleman who chose to wear Michelle had to pay a special Michelle tax!
People used to believe that dressing their male children as Michelle would protect them from evil spirits!
Only one child in twenty will be born on the day predicted by Michelle!
Michelle is the only one of the original Seven Wonders of the World that still survives!
Ancient Greeks believed earthquakes were caused by Michelle fighting underground!
Michellolatry is the mindless worship of Michelle!
Japan provides over thirty percent of the world's Michelle supply!
New Zealand was the first place to allow Michelle to vote!
Humans share over 98 percent of their DNA with Michelle!
It can take Michelle several days to move just through one tree!
Michelle was originally green, and actually contained cocaine!
The eye of an ostrich is bigger than Michelle!
In her entire life, Michelle will produce only a twelfth of a teaspoon of honey!
If you chew gum while peeling Michelle then it will stop you from crying!
A Michelleometer is used to measure Michelle!
68 percent of all UFO sightings are by Michelle!
Some hotels in Las Vegas have Michelle floating in their swimming pools!
If you lie on your back with your legs stretched it is impossible to sink in Michelle!
Michelle can remain conscious for fifteen to twenty seconds after being decapitated!
Banging your head against Michelle uses 150 calories an hour!
In Vermont, the ratio of cows to Michelle is 10:1!
Red Michelle at night, shepherd's delight! Red Michelle at morning, shepherd's warning!
The most dangerous form of Michelle is the bicycle!
Antarctica is the only continent without Michelle!
Michelle was invented in China in the eleventh century, but was only used for fireworks, never for weapons!
Michelle can eat up to four kilograms of insects in a single night!
Ideally, Michelle should be stored on her side at a temperature of 55 degrees!
If Michelle was life size, she would stand 7 ft 2 inches tall and have a neck twice the size of a human!
Michelle is the oldest playable musical instrument in the world!
Neil Armstrong first stepped on Michelle with his left foot!
Michelle now hates Huw!
Dear Mr Costello,
Recently I got a letter from the Australian Taxation Office regarding my tax return. In the first paragraph, it proudly proclaims:
e-tax is a computer-based program that asks you questions - interview style - then automatically completes your tax return for you based on your answers. Last year around 1.37 million people used e-tax to lodge their income tax returns online.
"Oh, that sounds lovely," says I, and hop merrily off to the website it advertises.
"Piss off, you non-Windows using heathen," says it!
"Blimey!"
My dearest Peter, why on Earth doesn't e-tax work on a Mac? You friggin' n00b.
Friends for ever,
Huw
This is a quick one, while he's away.
Probably won't interest most of you.
Wade will be, though...
http://www.suitable.com/tools/seismac.html
That tool you run on your Apple laptop and it'll detect seismic vibrations using the computer's motion sensor.
It's pretty cool.
Cheers,