SLIMEYWOOL, Kimia: According to recent polls in Kimian National newspapers, Kimians are incredibly confused about their government. According to a poll in the Kimian Morning Chortler, 50% of Kimians didn't know what party was in power any more, 30% thought they knew (but they were really wrong) and 20% were members of the Government.
The reason for the confusion, however, is a matter of much debate. The Morning Chortler's political editor John Straw said: "Undoubtably the main issue is this issue of the Government changing its party name at least twice a week."
Many people agree with Mr Straw. Tandyland paper The Tandyliser put it this way: "The Kimian Government doesn't understand the importance of names. They need to learn to respect their name.
"Names aren't just for Christmas, you know."
However, a Kimian Government spokeswoman said in a press conference on Tuesday: "The Kimian Government is standing by the name that we've settled on now. We of the Liberal Social Youth Labour Labor National Liberal Democratic Republican Liberal Social Party have finally agreed on who we are, what we stand for and why my lecturer is wrong."
"Wait... I don't think Labour or Labor were meant to be there..."
The pressconference was called to an early end while the LSYLLNLDRLSP took another vote on their name, passed a motion in Parliament, had three referenda, two recounts, a high court appeal, filed the results, lost them, found them, set fire to them and buried the ashses in a City West carpark.
"Huh?" said Kimian resident, Matt Summerton. "I thought it was the Liberal Democrat Labour Youth Labor Liberal National Liberal Social Democrat Republican Party..."
It's come to my attention that comments are stuffed.
Urm...
I'm on it...
(probably changing blog providers soon...)
I used to devour kids
But got hooked on wigs
Oh! Their runny juice
And wearers obtuse.
But I heard the news
Of the lovely chews
Back I to tastes of old
But only I find mould.
What had happened?
Why was it blackened?
Long time was I away
Flavour does not stay.
What then did I learn
From my silly turn?
Let me impart to you
Some advice so true
Never change taste
Thy food does waste
Be vicariously wise
Change only in size!
In a little over 10 hours, Apple will begin the Worldwide Developers' Conference in California. While less interested readers will immediately tune out right now (like they normally do... you good for nothings), my more astute readers will ask the following, valid questions:
1 - What the le heck is Apple's Worldwide Developers' Conference,
2 - Why should I care and
3 - Will Apple include a virtualisation package in Mac OS X 10.5 to run multiple operating systems without dual-booting?
I'm going to skip over 1 and 2 and just say that Apple is going to release some cool new software.
(And by cool I mean the "hey, man, that's cool" not the "hey, man, steal my television" kind of cool. Sometimes people have trouble understanding...)
What will this software do? My sources in Cupertino have provided me with the following information:
A - It will be powered by love. Seriously. Apple CEO Steve Jobs has started taking acid again. He's seriously gone nuts this time. I don't know how Apple's engineers have done it, but the thing seriously won't work in Israel. Along with this, the Aqua theme will be replaced by "Pink".
B - It will be named "Pony" and the box will be multicoloured. The rumours that they'll stop naming Mac OS X after cats will be true. They're going for Ponies now. Along with this, they will also start giving away jelly "iTrips" with copies of Mac OS X. While Apple will not say what is inside them, they are reportedly for "enhancing the experience" of Mac OS X Pony..
C - I'm not sure quite how to interpret this one, but apparently it will be "like, way far out, man."
D - A virtualisation package will not be included, as per Phil Schiller's announcement.
So you can just all wait and see what comes out tomorrow. Will it be cool? Will it be evil? Will it be banned by the UN Drugs Council? We'll just have to wait and see.
See that I'm right, that is.
Now go to bed!
And now it is time for me to go to my bed
And time for me to rest my sleepy fat head
But before I do go
I just want you to know
If you lick toads too much you'll be dead.
*childish smile*